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What grade would I get for this 2014 UFT paper, and how can I improve

QUESTION ONE: FICTION
Refer to Text A, “A Misunderstanding with Mr Taylor”, on page 2 of the resource booklet to answer
this question.
(a) (i) Identify ONE relationship in the text, and describe it in your own words.
Archie’s relationship with Colin: Good friends, but they make fun of each other in a friendly way.

(ii) Provide an example from the text to support your answer.
“Colin was still spitting with laughter when we left”

(b) Explain how this example shows you what the relationship is like
Despite Archie saying that Colin is a “good mate,” this example still shows how Colin finds Archie’s relationship with Mr T very funny.

(c) Explain how the writer develops at least one relationship throughout the text.
Support your answer with reference to the techniques, including language features, that the
writer uses to show:
• how new situations can present challenges to forming relationships
• how relationships can change or be maintained
• how relating to other people can be difficult.

In this text, Fleur Beale develops Archie’s relationship with Mr Taylor, in order to show the audience the effects of misunderstandings in relationships.

At the beginning of the text, Beale uses a metaphor to introduce Archie’s relationship with Mr Taylor. We see this when they describe how Mr T “barked” at Archie for being. They are comparing the teacher to a dog’s bark, which has grumpy and unhappy connotations. This shows the audience how Mr Taylor initially has gotten the wrong idea about him, due to his first impression.

As the text progresses, Beale uses a simile to develop Archie’s relationship with Mr Taylor. We see this when Colin says “He’s going to be mad as a wasp.” The use of a simile likens Mr Taylor’s attitude to that of a wasp. This shows the audience his short temper and lack of patience for Archie. The audience can now see that the negative relationship between Archie and Mr T is likely mutual.

As the text draws to a close, Beale uses dialogue to develop Archie’s relationship with Mr Taylor. We see this when they describe how Mr T says “Archie, you can move seats.” This use of dialogue shows how Mr T has come around, and decided Archie no longer needs to sit at the “lout desk.” This is a big step in their relationship, as it shows how it has finally become positive.

By developing Archie’s relationship with Mr Taylor, Fleur Beale is able to shed light on the bigger issue of misunderstandings in relationships. This is an important issue for modern New Zealanders to consider, because it is a common issue encountered by people with relationships.

QUESTION TWO: POETRY
Refer to Text B, “Fire!”, on page 3 of the resource booklet to answer this question.
(a) (i) Identify ONE language feature the writer uses to show her experience at the estuary.
Rhetorical question

(ii) Provide an example of this language feature from the text.
A fire that fed on flames?

(b) Explain how this language feature helps you to understand the writer’s experience at the
estuary.
The use of the rhetorical question helps us to understand how the writer is curious, however scared in this ominous environment. She wants to understand where this crackling sound is coming from so she can feel safer.

(c) Explain how the writer helps us to understand her experience at the estuary throughout the
text.
Support your answer with reference to the techniques, including language features, that the
writer uses to show:
• the difference between day and night at the estuary
• a change in mood.

In this text, Jan Fitzgerald uses language features to help the audience understand her experience at the estuary throughout the text, in order to show the audience how scary but intriguing new experiences can be.

At the beginning of the text, Fitzgerald uses juxtaposition to introduce her experience at the estuary to the audience. We see this when they contrast the daffodils which are described as “leggy ballerinas” (metaphor), with the deafening crackling (onomatopoeia.) The daffodils have innocent and peaceful connotations, showing the reader how nice the estuary can be in the day, while juxtaposing this is the deafening crackling sound, deafening being a word with connotations of pain. This shows the audience how she is still uncertain about whether her experience is positive or negative.

As the text progresses, Fitzgerald uses rhetorical questions to develop her experience at the estuary to the audience. We see this when they say, “was it a fire without flames?” The only good thing about a wildfire is at least it can be seen and avoided. An invisible fire can creep up behind you, backing up the element of fear. This shows the audience how she is coming to the conclusion that the experience at the estuary is negative.

As the text draws to a close, Fitzgerald uses an exclamation mark to conclude her experience at the estuary to the audience. We see this in the sentence, “Crabs!” This use of exclamation shows the narrator’s surprise, that the noise is not in fact fire. This is built on with alliteration, when Fitzgerald describes the clack-clacking their claws. The playful use of alliteration shows the audience how the crabs are in reality, nothing to be scared about at all. This shows how the narrator has now concluded that this is a positive experience.

By helping the audience understand her experience at the estuary, Fitzgerald is able to shed light on the bigger idea, of scary new experiences. This is an important idea for modern New Zealanders, as we all encounter new things that can feel ominous and scary.

QUESTION THREE: NON-FICTION
Refer to Text C, “Don’t be an Egg! Three Golden Rules of Online Safety”, on page 4 of the
resource booklet to answer this question.
(a) (i) Identify ONE language feature the writer uses to help us understand his ideas about
being safe on the Internet.
Metaphor

(ii) Provide an example of this language feature from the text.
Pack of wolves

(b) Explain how this language feature helps us to understand the writer’s ideas about being safe
on the Internet.
The author is warning us how while the internet can look innocent on the outside, they are likening the dangers of the internet to a pack of wolves. By reminding us of the dangers of the internet, the author can encourage us to be careful about who we trust.

(c) Explain how the writer helps us to understand his ideas about being safe on the Internet
throughout the text.
Support your answer with reference to the techniques, including language features, that the
writer uses:
• to appeal to his target audience
• to structure his ideas effectively
• to comment on the impact of the online world.

In the text, Jason Kim uses language features to help us understand his ideas about being safe on the internet, in order to encourage the readers to be careful about who they trust.

At the beginning of the text, Kim uses metaphors to help us understand his ideas about being safe on the internet. He begins this by comparing the internet’s exterior to a kitten.gif. This has connotations of happiness and innocence. This is then juxtaposed with another metaphor, by likening the true interior of the internet to a pack of wolves, which has connotations of untruth and maliciousness. Kim does this to show the audience how we need to be safe on the internet, as it can be deceitful.

As the text progresses, Kim uses an analogy to help us understand his ideas about being safe on the internet. We see this when we read the story about Curtis Woodhouse. This is a relatable analogy which shows the readers the dangers of trolling people. The use of colloquial language with words such as “doofus” and “uncool” builds on this, as it helps appeal to teenagers, which is what this text is aimed at. Kim effectively appeals to his target audience to illustrate some of the harms of the internet.

As the text draws to a close, Kim uses statistics to help us understand his ideas about being safe on the internet. We see this when Kim describes how “around 17% of recipients share the photos that they receive.” This shows the reader how once we share information, it doesn’t always
By helping us to understand his ideas about being safe on the internet, Jason Kim is able to shed light on the bigger issue of security. This is important for modern New Zealanders to consider, because security is a prevalent problem that occurs in our world today.

Kiā ora
Text One
You divide the text into manageable sections and discuss with a technique in each which is a sensible way to get there. You give well chosen techniques and examples. A thing to work on is the development of insight or perception with the comments - this involves commenting on the wider picture-- what we can learn about human nature / wider society etc. Think about how the exposure of this relationship indicates that relationships between people with power or authority over someone, like the teacher and the student, are often based on a lack of understanding and how important it is to not judge before knowing. It is that sort of response that you could develop.
For Text One 5/8
Text Two
Again well set out and divided, techniques accurate and good explanations, Again the insightful comment could be extended… dealing with the unknown, environments we don’t fully understand…etc.
For Text Two 5/8
Text Three
Same comments as above. You clearly get the text and what is being conveyed, can identify and explain techniques with clarity. It is still the development of the last insightful comments that you could work on.
How about you add some more to each of these and re submit?
Overall 15/24 = M
Hope that helps
:grinning:

QUESTION ONE: FICTION
Refer to Text A, “A Misunderstanding with Mr Taylor”, on page 2 of the resource booklet to answer
this question.
(a) (i) Identify ONE relationship in the text, and describe it in your own words.
Archie’s relationship with Colin: Good friends, but they make fun of each other in a friendly way.

(ii) Provide an example from the text to support your answer.
“Colin was still spitting with laughter when we left”

(b) Explain how this example shows you what the relationship is like
Despite Archie saying that Colin is a “good mate,” this example still shows how Colin finds Archie’s relationship with Mr T very funny.

(c) Explain how the writer develops at least one relationship throughout the text.
Support your answer with reference to the techniques, including language features, that the
writer uses to show:
• how new situations can present challenges to forming relationships
• how relationships can change or be maintained
• how relating to other people can be difficult.

In this text, Fleur Beale develops Archie’s relationship with Mr Taylor, in order to show the audience the effects of misunderstandings in relationships.

At the beginning of the text, Beale uses a metaphor to introduce Archie’s relationship with Mr Taylor. We see this when they describe how Mr T “barked” at Archie for being. They are comparing the teacher to a dog’s bark, which has grumpy and unhappy connotations. This shows the audience how Mr Taylor initially has gotten the wrong idea about him, due to his first impression.

As the text progresses, Beale uses a simile to develop Archie’s relationship with Mr Taylor. We see this when Colin says “He’s going to be mad as a wasp.” The use of a simile likens Mr Taylor’s attitude to that of a wasp. This shows the audience his short temper and lack of patience for Archie. The audience can now see that the negative relationship between Archie and Mr T is likely mutual.

As the text draws to a close, Beale uses dialogue to develop Archie’s relationship with Mr Taylor. We see this when they describe how Mr T says “Archie, you can move seats.” This use of dialogue shows how Mr T has come around, and decided Archie no longer needs to sit at the “lout desk.” This is a big step in their relationship, as it shows how it has finally become positive.

By developing Archie’s relationship with Mr Taylor, Fleur Beale is able to shed light on the bigger issue of misunderstandings in relationships. This is an important issue for modern New Zealanders to consider, because it is a common issue encountered by people with relationships. The presentation of this relationship illustrates how relationships where someone has power or authority over another, (like Archie and Mr T) are often based on a lack of understanding and how important it is to not judge before knowing.

QUESTION TWO: POETRY
Refer to Text B, “Fire!”, on page 3 of the resource booklet to answer this question.
(a) (i) Identify ONE language feature the writer uses to show her experience at the estuary.
Rhetorical question

(ii) Provide an example of this language feature from the text.
A fire that fed on flames?

(b) Explain how this language feature helps you to understand the writer’s experience at the
estuary.
The use of the rhetorical question helps us to understand how the writer is curious, however scared in this ominous environment. She wants to understand where this crackling sound is coming from so she can feel safer.

(c) Explain how the writer helps us to understand her experience at the estuary throughout the
text.
Support your answer with reference to the techniques, including language features, that the
writer uses to show:
• the difference between day and night at the estuary
• a change in mood.

In this text, Jan Fitzgerald uses language features to help the audience understand her experience at the estuary throughout the text, in order to show the audience how scary but intriguing new experiences can be.

At the beginning of the text, Fitzgerald uses juxtaposition to introduce her experience at the estuary to the audience. We see this when they contrast the daffodils which are described as “leggy ballerinas” (metaphor), with the deafening crackling (onomatopoeia.) The daffodils have innocent and peaceful connotations, showing the reader how nice the estuary can be in the day, while juxtaposing this is the deafening crackling sound, deafening being a word with connotations of pain. This shows the audience how she is still uncertain about whether her experience is positive or negative.

As the text progresses, Fitzgerald uses rhetorical questions to develop her experience at the estuary to the audience. We see this when they say, “was it a fire without flames?” The only good thing about a wildfire is at least it can be seen and avoided. An invisible fire can creep up behind you, backing up the element of fear. This shows the audience how she is coming to the conclusion that the experience at the estuary is negative.

As the text draws to a close, Fitzgerald uses an exclamation mark to conclude her experience at the estuary to the audience. We see this in the sentence, “Crabs!” This use of exclamation shows the narrator’s surprise, that the noise is not in fact fire. This is built on with alliteration, when Fitzgerald describes the clack-clacking their claws. The playful use of alliteration shows the audience how the crabs are in reality, nothing to be scared about at all. This shows how the narrator has now concluded that this is a positive experience.

By helping the audience understand her experience at the estuary, Fitzgerald is able to shed light on the bigger idea, of scary new experiences. This is an important idea for modern New Zealanders, as we all encounter new things that can feel ominous and scary. The presentation of this situation
Is a reminder to us that we all encounter environments we don’t understand, and must deal with the unknown.

QUESTION THREE: NON-FICTION
Refer to Text C, “Don’t be an Egg! Three Golden Rules of Online Safety”, on page 4 of the
resource booklet to answer this question.
(a) (i) Identify ONE language feature the writer uses to help us understand his ideas about
being safe on the Internet.
Metaphor

(ii) Provide an example of this language feature from the text.
Pack of wolves

(b) Explain how this language feature helps us to understand the writer’s ideas about being safe
on the Internet.
The author is warning us how while the internet can look innocent on the outside, they are likening the dangers of the internet to a pack of wolves. By reminding us of the dangers of the internet, the author can encourage us to be careful about who we trust.

(c) Explain how the writer helps us to understand his ideas about being safe on the Internet
throughout the text.
Support your answer with reference to the techniques, including language features, that the
writer uses:
• to appeal to his target audience
• to structure his ideas effectively
• to comment on the impact of the online world.

In the text, Jason Kim uses language features to help us understand his ideas about being safe on the internet, in order to encourage the readers to be careful about who they trust.

At the beginning of the text, Kim uses metaphors to help us understand his ideas about being safe on the internet. He begins this by comparing the internet’s exterior to a kitten.gif. This has connotations of happiness and innocence. This is then juxtaposed with another metaphor, by likening the true interior of the internet to a pack of wolves, which has connotations of untruth and maliciousness. Kim does this to show the audience how we need to be safe on the internet, as it can be deceitful.

As the text progresses, Kim uses an analogy to help us understand his ideas about being safe on the internet. We see this when we read the story about Curtis Woodhouse. This is a relatable analogy which shows the readers the dangers of trolling people. The use of colloquial language with words such as “doofus” and “uncool” builds on this, as it helps appeal to teenagers, which is what this text is aimed at. Kim effectively appeals to his target audience to illustrate some of the harms of the internet.

As the text draws to a close, Kim uses statistics to help us understand his ideas about being safe on the internet. We see this when Kim describes how “around 17% of recipients share the photos that they receive.” This shows the reader how once we share information, it doesn’t always stay private. Kim builds on this by continuing to reuse the idea of statistics, but in a rhetorical question. “are you 100% certain that they will be forever?” This makes the audience wonder if they can trust everyone, and shows us how we need to be safe on the internet by being careful who we trust.

By helping us to understand his ideas about being safe on the internet, Jason Kim is able to shed light on the bigger issue of security. This is important for modern New Zealanders to consider, because security is a prevalent problem that occurs in our world today. The presentation of the issue of security serves as a reminder that we all need to look out for ourselves and make sure we are safe, whether it be online or in the real world.

Hi LeNom

Great to see you have made some changes already here.

Text A
I can see you have changed your discussion at the end to create more of a sense of the wider picture which is great and does improve it. you could look to do this more in your discussion of techniques as well - as as a student you should have a good understanding of this type of relationship - how do these happen in schools for example? Try to develop this a little more throughout. I would put this at

M6/8 now.

Text B

Again - I can see you have developed an idea about scary new experiences - but you did not quite get to the point of the text, which was with all this build up, and then it turns out to just be crabs? What can we learn from this? Not to jump to conclusions? How is the audience taken on this journey through the piece?

6/8

Text C

Some improvement - but you can aim to be even more specific - for example you have said that this piece is aimed at teenagers - therefore, why is this message one that people might think teenagers need to hear particularly?

6/8

18/24 overall - still an M (but a higher one).