Is there a possibility that I am able to get feedback on improvements I could do on my LEVEL 2 written essay and a possible grade back? I am wanting to aim for an excellence. It would be much appreciated :)

Question 8: Analyze how one or more events had a powerful impact on a main character

Title: In the rubbish tin
Author: Apirana Taylor

In the rubbish tin, the short story by Apirana Taylor shows the views of humans in a negative light that showcases no heroes in the story. We learn that children and many women in our society become victims of domestic violence as this is accepted and “normal” which leads to drug abuse and child neglect. Phillipa becomes trapped in a rubbish tin at the end, effectively symbolizing the way she along with her mother and father seem to be trapped on the rubbish heap because they cannot escape the negative aspects of their life due to the constant cycle of violence. The author highlights the harsh reality of life as Phillipa mother Ruth tries to escape hardships of dealing with family violence and drugs/alcohol. By exploring the ideas of how Ruth uses drugs and alcohol for a way out to escape the reality of her abusive and violent relationship with Rolf , these two events create a powerful impact on how she is as a person. The author uses the language features of Metaphor, extended metaphor, dialogue and symbolism to show this theme.

The first event that had a powerful impact on the main character of Ruth, Phillipa’s mother, was the terrible cycle of her abusive and violent relationship with Rolf on how she often faced the consequences of being physically hurt. The evidence that can be used to support the idea is through the language feature of a metaphor through the quote “An aching power burning in Rolf’s fists’ '. This idea is able to convey the horror present in the anger that is portrayed throughout the action of Rolf as we can understand that the rage is filled with negative emotions. The use of metaphor is used to portray the relationship that had created difficult challenges for Ruth to face in her life as she is abused, creating a trauma that is faced against her life to feel hopeless and weak. The cycle of violence and how it has been neglected is seen to be continued as this ends up being a normality for Philippi as another example is through the use of the language features dialogue, she quotes “You know what Chubby? When me and you grow up we will be like mum and dad” while being trapped in the rubbish bin. The author’s purpose behind the use of the language feature of metaphor is to show the frequent emotions that are influenced by the violence, showing Rolf as a tempered man seen to be a monster, creating a shadow behind Rolf as it controls her life to be someone kicked around like a doll, turning a blindside on how she would feel as this can be seen from the quote “Rolf grabbed the hair at the back of Rolfs neck”. This can be translated back as it interrelates towards how Phillipa treats her doll Chubby the same way as it mirrors the actions of her father Rolf, showing the cycle of violence throughout the family by wanting to be like her mother and father when she grows up as she punches it shown through the quote “There, Chubby. That’s what you get. Just like dad does”. Through the author’s purpose, it made me understand the portrayal on how it uses Rolf as a symbolism of a monster to enhance the portrayal of him being an abusive person as it is described for him to be seen as someone full of hatred and cruelty, wanting the desire for control over Rolf. We learn the bloodshed and tears of the experience Rolf faces through her relationship with Rolf as it shapes her life to feel hopeless and how it influences their child to act the same way as Phillipa a herself walks into a different world of slowly transitioning into a monster where one won’t be recognized to be innocent.

In the second event that had a powerful impact on the main character of Ruth. Phillipa mother experienced the consequences as she felt the emotional and physical impact of the abuse as this has changed her behavior to undergo a result of change that has changed her perspective on life as it influences her actions as she follows into the pathway of using drugs and alcohol as a human desire to get away from her nightmares of responsibilities and pain. The evidence that can be used to support the idea is through the language feature of an extended metaphor through the quote “Drowning in an ocean of liquor” and “nibbled away her brain” as the drugs invaded her mind. This idea is used to convey how the use of drugs and alcohol was a way for her to cope as it eased her mind into a peaceful and calm world where her nightmares were washed away by the consumption. It helps her with alcohol and drugs as a means of escaping the harsh contours of reality, seeking a mind of peace in the temporary substances that seem to offer that escape. In the swirling depths of intoxication, the complexities of her personal and societal pressures blur into a distant haze, allowing for a fleeting escape from her negative Emotions. The author’s purpose behind the use of the language feature is to show that the language feature of the symbolism of the rubbish tin was highly effective in showing how difficult it can be for innocent victims to break out of the cycle and how they often retreat to their own fantasy world to escape the nightmare they hope for to stop. Through the author’s purpose, it made me understand the portrayal on how the coping mechanisms of Rolf using alcohol and drugs to escape from reality, by neglecting her daughter we understand that this has caused the trauma of Phillipa to get neglected as Rolf slowly started to dysfunction from reality in order to cope with the struggles of her abusive relationship. It shows how the symbol of the rubbish tin was highly effective in showing how difficult it can be for innocent victims to break out of the cycle and how they often retreat to their own fantasy world to escape the nightmare they hope for to stop. Many women in society are often trapped in a world where domestic violence creates fear and a loss of who they are as a person as the terror of being scared keeps their mouths shut, creating a cycle of the violence to continue as they instead create barriers to help them cope without further hurting them. This can be seen through our community in NZ where our society still has huge domestic violence and child abuse issues, ranking at 4th place for the highest rate present in our world. This creates an increase of individuals to become alcoholic in our community while also putting children at risk as the constant cycle has created a dysfunctional family environment for children such as Phillipa to end up learning that this is a normal thing to do to people they love.

In conclusion, the author uses the language features of Metaphor, extended metaphor, dialogue and symbolism to enhancive show the 2 powerful events that have had an impact towards Rolf to become a dysfunctional parent who, like her daughter, struggles to find a way out of her situation and by showing Ruth’s decline into alcohol and drugs. This is done through the author’s purpose to explain and show how problematic the situation can do to damage innocent children who end up facing the same thing as they go through a continuous cycle of violence. This can be seen through our community in NZ where our society has high levels of neglect towards violence and child abuse issues with a ranking at 4th place for the highest rate present in our world. This idea heavily interrelates to the wider society on the ideas how many women and children are victims and are often trapped in violent situations where society drowns them to face these challenges with no help as they a forced to be one in the heap of rubbish, where life and happiness is nowhere as they hide within the darkness underneath the rubbish tin.

Kia ora Lorain11uy,

Welcome back to StudyIt.

You’ve taken an interesting approach to answering this question. You’ve selected a question about events but you’ve heavily focussed on techniques. It reads a little like you’ve used content from another essay you’ve written.

With events questions, I’d recommend picking a particular event rather than something more general. In your first body paragraph, you would have been better to focus on a singular moment from the text. The cycle of violence is not an event. Similarly in your second body paragraph, there’s no clear event identified.

The analysis of the quotes and evidence you’ve selected is good but you’re not clearly answering the question. Because of that, this is not yet an Excellence level. When you’re in the exam tomorrow, make sure you stay focussed on what ever question you choose. You might get lucky and find the perfect question about techniques, but if you don’t, make sure you tailor what you know about the short story to the question. Make a smart choice with the question you select.

Ka pai tō mahi and good luck for tomorrow :slight_smile:

Hi, thank you for your feedback and time. I have fixed my essay and re-worded it in hopes it would be more suitable towards the question. Would you be able to please check it again for me? It would be much appreciated :slight_smile:

Question 8: Analyze how one or more events had a powerful impact on a main character

Title: In the rubbish tin
Author: Apirana Taylor

In the rubbish tin, the short story by Apirana Taylor shows the views of humans in a negative light that showcases no heroes in the story. We learn that children and many women in our society become victims of domestic violence as this is accepted and “normal” which leads to drug abuse and child neglect. Philipa becomes trapped in a rubbish tin at the end, effectively symbolizing the way she along with her mother and father seem to be trapped on the rubbish heap because they cannot escape the negative aspects of their life due to the constant cycle of violence. The author highlights the harsh reality of life as Philipa mother Ruth tries to escape hardships of dealing with family violence. By exploring the event of how Ruth goes through the abuse of her partner Rolf, we can see the damaging effects on how it creates a powerful impact on her to isolate herself from reality as she manipulates her emotions through alcohol and drugs. The author uses the language features of Metaphor, extended metaphor, symbolism and dialogue to show this.

The evidence that can be used to support the idea is through the language feature of an extended metaphor through the quote “Drowning in an ocean of liquor” and “nibbled away her brain” as the drugs invaded her mind. This idea is used to convey how she found a way for her to cope with the emotional and physical impact of the abuse as it eased her mind into a peaceful and calm world where her nightmares full of trauma were washed away by the consumption of drugs and alcohol. Ruth experiences the emotional and physical impact of the abuse as this changes her behavior to undergo a result of wanting to isolate herself from reality as her perspective on life influences her action of using drugs and alcohol. This event has made her isolated from the emotions that have damaged her deeply to the point where avoiding everything was better than facing them. The quote “The pills and booze had eaten the words” represents the lack of control she has towards her speech, as she becomes emotionally vulnerable. Through this the author’s purpose is to use this to show how alcohol is a symbol of escapism or self-destruction for Rulf. It explores the emotional struggles and hardships that Rulf internally faces alone as the destructive pressure of feeling that there was no escape in life to run away from the nightmare. The author made us understand the damaging effects of how it made me understand the portrayal on how Rolf acts is portrayed as a monster, being an abusive person as it is described for him to be seen as someone full of hatred and cruelty, as he desires the control over Rolf. We learn the bloodshed and tears of the experience Rolf faces through her relationship with Rolf as it shapes her life to feel hopeless

Another evidence that can be used to support the idea is through the language feature of symbolism. It shows how the symbol of the rubbish tin was highly effective in showing how difficult it can be for innocent victims to break out of the cycle of violence and how they often retreat to their own fantasy world to escape the nightmare they hope for to stop. We can understand that from that Rulf feels a sense of feeling lost in not knowing what point in life she is able to be free as she feels she is constantly being thrown around like trash shown in the quote
“Leave it as it is, he’ll just kick her around a bit. If you interfere he’ll kill her”. The author’s purpose behind the use of the language features is to show the symbolism of the rubbish tin was highly effective in showing how difficult it can be for innocent victims to break out of the cycle and how they often retreat to their own fantasy world to escape the nightmare they hope for to stop. The message behind the rubbish tin represents how she is treated like rubbish as someone who has no purpose in finding what is out there for her as she is scrunched up in a place where she is unable to escape from the darkness in the trash can. It allows us to understand how Rolf goes through a continuous cycle of her nightmare replying each day to cope with the pain of the abuse, only finding that alcohol was the only cure to her pain as it manipulates her emotions to avoid it through alcohol and drugs. We learn the bloodshed and tears of the experience Rolf faces through her relationship with Rolf as it shapes her life to feel hopeless. Many women in society are often trapped in a world where domestic violence creates fear and a loss of who they are as a person as the terror of being scared keeps their mouths shut, creating a cycle of the violence to continue as they instead create barriers to help them cope without further hurting them. This cycle can be represented through the symbol of the rubbish bin as it reflects the process of when we recycle, it will always come back to us in a continuous cycle. We can relate this society in how this can be seen through our community in NZ where our society still has huge domestic violence and child abuse issues, ranking at 4th place for the highest rate

The last evidence that can be used to support the idea is through the language feature of dialogue through the quote of “ It’s the brat’s birthday,” being slurred by Rulf while she is downtown in the pub. She continues the quote to say “I couldn’t afford to get her a birthday present.” This idea is used to convey the lack of care Rolf has towards her daughter, as it almost represents the hatred towards her feelings about her daughter. The dialogue shows how irresponsible Ruth has become and how she uses all the weekly income on trips at the pub. The emotional damage Rulf experiences of the abuse creates a barrier for her to disconnect with her own child as she creates a wall. This event has created a powerful impact on her to isolate herself to run away from the responsibilities of being a mother, as Ruth goes through the trauma of not being able to open up to the outside world as she is trapped in a world where her emotions are numb through alcohol and drugs. In the swirling depths of intoxication, the complexities of her personal and societal pressures blur into a distant haze, allowing for an escape from her negative emotions. The author’s purpose shows how much abuse takes a giant toll towards her well-being in being able to care for other responsibilities such as looking after her daughter Phillipi, often leaving her neglected at home. Rolf would rather spend time drinking with friends in order to escape the pain she deals with in the household. Through the author’s purpose, it made me understand the portrayal of the coping mechanisms of Rolf using alcohol and drugs to escape from reality. By neglecting her daughter we understand that this has caused her to dysfunction from reality in order to cope with the struggles of her abusive relationship. We can understand how much this affects her lifestyle to connect with those who are close to her as she keeps a barrier up as the trauma and emotional distress resulting from abusive situations can create overwhelming feelings of helplessness, depression, and anxiety, impacting a mother’s ability to fulfill her parenting responsibilities. The author showed this in order for us to understand how destructive family dynamics, especially in a violent household, can create such a tormenting life.

In conclusion, we can see that Rulf faces many hardships to cope with the event of the abuse from her partner Rolf as it creates a powerful impact towards her being unable to cope in environments where she is often trying to escape by the consumption of alcohol and drugs. The author uses the language features of Metaphor, extended metaphor, symbolism and dialogue to show the significance behind domestic violence in households, where women are often a victim to being affected. The author’s purpose shows how children and many women in our society today become victims of domestic violence as this is accepted and “normal” which leads to drug/alcohol addictions and child neglect without realizing how much it affects them as well. As an individual goes through the darkness of being eaten alive by the pain to feel that we are being swallowed up by the depression of such violence used against us, people like Rulf begin to isolate themselves to adapt to the impact that changes who they are due to the struggles of waking up each day to question what life is.