HI anyone could I pls give feedback on my written text essay 1.1. I really need it

Describe an important idea in the text.
Explain whether or not you think this idea is relevant to teenagers today.

In the book They both die at the end, written by Adam Silvera a event for Mateo was when he receives the dreading phone call from Death-Cast calling him that he was going to die today, another event was when Mateo finally realised what he had finally done in his life after hanging out with Rufus. The event where Mateo received the phone call helped me understand how precious life is and how you should live every day like it’s your last while the event where Mateo realised what life actually is showed me how we should let our fears of death go and live our lives to the fullest. Through these events, Silvera showed the readers that life shouldn’t be taken for granted and that no one should fear death.

The fear of dying shouldn’t stop you from doing the things you really want to do. In the beginning of the book, Mateo got a phone call from Death-Cast informing him he is going to die today. He regrets it immediately “The number one person I’ll miss the most is Future Mateo, who maybe loosened up and lived” Mateo is already looking back at his life thinking about all the opportunities he missed out on. “Loosened up and lived” these words from Mateo particularly stood out to me as even he realised that there is so much to live to explore but his sadness and anxiety stopped him from doing all that. Mateo later on goes on to think about what his headst one should say. “What a waste of a life” “I have to do better, I have to honour this” Mateo realises he has still got time and wants to spend the rest of the day living in another version of himself. The repetition of “I have to” highlighted that Mateo is very eager to change the way he is living and enjoy himself on his last day which he couldn’t do all his life, Silvera has used the repetition to put an idea into the reader’s mind that when it comes to your death you get all the regrets so it’s better you live your life with a purpose from the start and not being afraid of death as having a fear could really set you back from doing the things you want to do such as exploring the world a thing Mateo couldn’t do as he just wanted the safety of his own bed. **Silvera’s purpose is to show that we can live our lives with a meaning and not think about regrets. This idea is really important to teenagers in today’s society because we are not sure what to do with our lives and could fall into bad habits. This book makes me think beyond its pages as Mateo’s character can be related to the real world as how people are scared of trying new things eg Sky diving. This is why Silvera has set up Mateo’s character personality from the start because he wants us to take away that we shouldn’t fear death and just live life without any regrets. As that’s what many teenagers in today’s world are not doing, they are not living life to the fullest and are falling into bad habits. Silvera has used Mateo’s character in this event to show us how we should live life to the fullest and not to be worried about death.

Throughout They Both Die at the End, Silvera encourages us to let go of our fears of death and live our lives without worry. This idea is important because shows us how much fear can lead to regret and despair and how much your life could improve if you live without the fear of death, responsibly yet joyfully. This idea is especially important to a teen to a young adult audience that has the time and the capacity to change our views and be able to live our lives based on this novel to the fullest.

**Silvera displays this idea through several events, one of which is Mateo finally being at terms with himself: In which this event he talks to himself about his change in mindset and how that’s allowed him to, after living in fear and now regret, finally let go of the fear of death and lived his life truly, honestly, and freely. “the most important goodbye is the one I said to Past Mateo, who I left behind at home …” “…Twelve hours ago I received a phone call telling me I’m going to die today, and I’m more alive now than I was then.” (p.227). This event lets the readers realise the growth and quality of life Mateo has gained from this experience. By him just deciding to live, Mateo has let go of his fear and regret, deciding to look forward, now finally happy with himself. The quote “Twelve hours ago I received a phone call telling me I’m going to die today, and I’m more alive now than I was then.” (p.227). Really puts the readers into perspective how much quality of life the readers would also gain if they would choose to actually live instead of fear. Even the fact that Mateo dies, in the end, gives the readers a sense of urgency of achieving this goal before they reach their end too because no one wants to live their lives in regret and this is what is happening in today’s society because people are so afraid of taking risks and when they lie in their death bed they are constantly regretting the things they didn’t do.

Overall the event of Mateo receiving the phone call and the event of Mateo realising what life has shown me that there is so much to life and that we should enjoy it to the fullest rather than dwelling on our fears of dying. Silvera skillfully illustrated this concept through Mateo’s growth as a character. Mateo went from beginning the book being terrified and apprehensive and not experiencing life to the fullest to realising what life is and being able to live it fully for a single time. Silvera’s purpose was to show that we can live our lives to the fullest and get the fear of death out of our minds.

I really want to get excellence on this. Could you guys pls help me get there?

Kia ora Rudy - welcome to the Studyit community!

Some excellent analysis here - really strong evidence, well unpacked and a strong sense of the author and his purpose here.

Your first para was stronger than your second - remember that in both paras you should be addressing the question with balance - so come back to teenagers and why the ideas are important and relevant for them (try to think of a different reason than your first para)

Ditto with the intro and conclusion - you do not mention the “explain” part of the question at all here - this should be woven into all the parts of your essay to achieve that “perceptive” answer to the question.

Lastly - just watch your structure - The para starting "Throughout They Both Die at the End, Silvera encourages us to let go of our fears of death and live our lives without worry. " was out on its own and probably should have been connected to the paragraph after? This may have just been how it was pasted into Studyit though.

Some easy fixes here and I think you will do really well in the exam! - well done :slight_smile:

Hey Rudy - fair enough too! From this, you are more than capable of getting there, you have some great essay vocab and an excellent understanding of the novel. Go through the feedback in my last comment and have a go at incorporating it and then post it back here if you like and we can check what kind of a difference it makes :slight_smile:

But didn’t I address to teenagers at the end of each paragraph?

Because I said " This is important to teenagers" at the end of each para. Isn’t that what your suppose to do?

Hi Rudy

I am referring to this para

Silvera displays this idea through several events, one of which is Mateo finally being at terms with himself: In which this event he talks to himself about his change in mindset and how that’s allowed him to, after living in fear and now regret, finally let go of the fear of death and lived his life truly, honestly, and freely. “the most important goodbye is the one I said to Past Mateo, who I left behind at home …” “…Twelve hours ago I received a phone call telling me I’m going to die today, and I’m more alive now than I was then.” (p.227). This event lets the readers realise the growth and quality of life Mateo has gained from this experience. By him just deciding to live, Mateo has let go of his fear and regret, deciding to look forward, now finally happy with himself. The quote “Twelve hours ago I received a phone call telling me I’m going to die today, and I’m more alive now than I was then.” (p.227). Really puts the readers into perspective how much quality of life the readers would also gain if they would choose to actually live instead of fear. Even the fact that Mateo dies, in the end, gives the readers a sense of urgency of achieving this goal before they reach their end too because no one wants to live their lives in regret and this is what is happening in today’s society because people are so afraid of taking risks and when they lie in their death bed they are constantly regretting the things they didn’t do.

And intro

In the book They both die at the end, written by Adam Silvera a event for Mateo was when he receives the dreading phone call from Death-Cast calling him that he was going to die today, another event was when Mateo finally realised what he had finally done in his life after hanging out with Rufus. The event where Mateo received the phone call helped me understand how precious life is and how you should live every day like it’s your last while the event where Mateo realised what life actually is showed me how we should let our fears of death go and live our lives to the fullest. Through these events, Silvera showed the readers that life shouldn’t be taken for granted and that no one should fear death.

And conclusion

Overall the event of Mateo receiving the phone call and the event of Mateo realising what life has shown me that there is so much to life and that we should enjoy it to the fullest rather than dwelling on our fears of dying. Silvera skillfully illustrated this concept through Mateo’s growth as a character. Mateo went from beginning the book being terrified and apprehensive and not experiencing life to the fullest to realising what life is and being able to live it fully for a single time. Silvera’s purpose was to show that we can live our lives to the fullest and get the fear of death out of our minds.

Can you see that you do not actually explicitly address the relevance to teens here? You do it very well in the para starting “The fear of dying shouldn’t stop you from doing the things you really want to do. In the beginning of the book, Mateo got a phone call from Death-Cast informing him he is going to die today.”

so your saying I need to be really repetitive and keep addressing the question and idea? to get excellence?

Hi Rudy

Ideally you are not “really repetitive” - but what the marker is looking for is that you show understanding of the aspects of the text named in the question in a perceptive and seamless way and are providing a focused argument that answers both parts of the question with balance.

If you are only addressing the “explain” part of the question explicitly in one paragraph and not in the other parts of the essay then you are not really answering the question “with balance” - It would be a fairly easy fix on what you have written - EG where you write “Through these events, Silvera showed the readers that life shouldn’t be taken for granted and that no one should fear death.” - how can you make this statement a bit more applicable to teenagers SPECIFICALLY? Look for places like that.

Hope that helps!

Hi this is an another essay I did. Can you pls give me any feedback if possible and tell if its an excellence grade piece or what it would need to be excellence
Describe a memorable idea in a written text you have studied.
Explain why the idea was memorable to teenagers

In the book They both die at the end, written by Adam Silvera a event for Mateo was when he receives the dreading phone call from Death-Cast calling him that he was going to die today, another event was when Mateo finally realised what he had finally done in his life after hanging out with Rufus. The event where Mateo received the phone call helped me understand how precious life is and how you should live every day like it’s your last while the event where Mateo realised what life actually is showed me how we should let our fears of death go and live our lives to the fullest. Through these events, Silvera showed an idea of how memorable it is for teenagers to live their lives without regret and despair.

The fear of dying shouldn’t stop you from doing the things you want to do otherwise it will lead to regret and despair. In the beginning of the book, Mateo got a phone call from Death-Cast informing him he is going to die today. He regrets it immediately “The number one person I’ll miss the most is Future Mateo, who maybe loosened up and lived” Mateo is already looking back at his life thinking about all the opportunities he missed out on. “Loosened up and lived” these words from Mateo particularly stood out to me as even he realised that there is so much to live to explore but his sadness and anxiety stopped him from doing all that. Mateo later on goes on to think about what his headst one should say. “What a waste of a life” “I have to do better, I have to honour this” Mateo realises he has still got time and wants to spend the rest of the day living in another version of himself. The repetition of “I have to” highlighted that Mateo is very eager to change the way he is living and enjoy himself on his last day which he couldn’t do all his life, Silvera has used the repetition to put an idea into the reader’s mind that when it comes to your death you get all the regrets so it’s better you live your life with a purpose from the start and not being afraid of death as having a fear could really set you back from doing the things you want to do such as exploring the world a thing Mateo couldn’t do as he just wanted the safety of his own bed. Silvera’s purpose is to show that we can live our lives with meaning and not think about regrets otherwise it could lead to regret and despair, Silvera has used Mateo’s character in this event to show how his fear of death has led to regret and despair because he was so afraid of trying new things as he wanted the safety of his own bed and staying home. This is so memorable to teenagers because teenagers are at a stage in life where they fall into bad habits and do not live life to the fullest, they are just staying at home and playing stupid video games and instead are not exploring the world which is way more helpful, it can also be linked to the real world because so many people are scared of trying new things eg. Sky diving and when they are in their death bed they are regretting the activities they didn’t do.

Throughout They Both Die at the End, Silvera encourages us to let go of our fears of death because it can lead to regret and despair. This idea is really memorable for teenagers as they can fall into bad habits and not get out as this will lead to regret and despair, we can see that in Mateo’s development. Mateo coming to terms with himself is one of the events that progresses this idea. In which this event he talks to himself about his change in mindset and how that’s allowed him to, after living in fear and now regret, finally let go of the fear of death and lived his life truly, honestly, and freely. “the most important goodbye is the one I said to Past Mateo, who I left behind at home …” “…Twelve hours ago I received a phone call telling me I’m going to die today, and I’m more alive now than I was then.” (p.227). This event lets the readers realise the growth and quality of life Mateo has gained from this experience. By him just deciding to live, Mateo has let go of his fear and regret, deciding to look forward, now finally happy with himself. The quote “Twelve hours ago I received a phone call telling me I’m going to die today, and I’m more alive now than I was then.” (p.227). Really puts the readers into perspective how much quality of life the readers would also gain if they would choose to actually live instead of fear as this would not lead to regret and despair. Even the fact that Mateo dies, in the end, gives the readers a sense of urgency of achieving this goal before they reach their end too because no one wants to live their lives in regret and this is what is happening in today’s society because everyone not just teenagers are so afraid of taking risks and when they lie in their death bed they are constantly regretting the things they didn’t do. Silvera has not used this event as a ‘happy ending’ like other wider literature as a fairytale ending, instead, Silvera has used this event to show how much better lives teenagers can live by keeping away all the useless video games teenagers can explore the world and gain a lot more knowledge. Because if Mateo can live more than his life in an entire day how much better of lives can teenagers hold? Silvera has therefore given teenagers and everyone a chance to come to terms with the reality that no one should fear death as it could lead to regret and despair which is shown by Mateo’s development throughout the book.

Overall the event of Mateo receiving the phone call and the event of Mateo realising what life is has shown me that there is so much to life and that we should enjoy it to the fullest rather than dwelling on our fears of dying. This idea is so memorable to teenagers as they are the ones with the fullest potential to do much better things with their life instead of staying home and playing video games which many teenagers are doing. Silvera skillfully illustrated this concept through Mateo’s growth as a character. Mateo went from beginning the book being terrified and apprehensive and not experiencing life to the fullest to realising what life is and being able to live it fully for a single time. Silvera’s purpose was to show that we can live our lives to the fullest and get the fear of death out of our mind as that could lead to regret and despair.