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Formal writing feedback Of Mice and Men. Exam Q (year and Q number): 2013 number 5 Question: Describe at least one event that was a turning point in the written text. Explain why the turning point was important in the text as a whole

Can I have some feedback on this essay please.

There were a lot of turning points in this text but this killing was the biggest of all time. Lennie and George have had a dream and they are doing all they can to make it come true. Lennie brutally kills Curley’s wife. The end of the dream as we know it. This essay will argue that there were many turning points in the text from Lennie killing the puppy, The bursting of Curley’s hand and George and Lennie running from the men in weed. They both had a dream that ended as quickly as it started.

Lennie and George both had a dream to live off the fat of the land and own a nice section. We have heard from the start of the novel that George and Lennie were going to find someplace to make money and then go buy a section for themselves. Lennie was so excited to own their own house and he would tend the rabbits. Lennie would not be the best at remembering things but he always knew about the dream. “Go on George! Tell about what we’re gonna have in the garden and about the rabbits in the cages” Lennie shouted. Lennie and George wherever they go they will always have something to look forward to and also something to live for. George has also told Lennie that if he makes a mistake or stuffs up there dream would be over. The big mistake that cost Lennie and George their dream.

Lennie killing Curley’s wife was the biggest turning point in the whole novel. Lennie has a thing for soft felling stuff e.g. animals and stuff on people. Lennie’s soft thing fettish has ultimately cost him his dream and his life. Lennie is a strong man and can easily over power animals and people, he underestimates his power when he kills the little puppy because he was petting it. Curley’s wife let Lennie play with her hair, Lennie got a bit aggressive and when she told him to stop and she started to scream so then Lennie brutilay snapped her neck then she was dead. Lennie knew he had done something wrong and he thought Geoge was gonna give him hell and he won’t let him tend the rabbits. Curley’s wife’s last words. “Look out, now, you’ll mess it.” she cried angrily, “you stop it now, you’ll mess it all up” “let go” “you let go” she cried. This would have big ramifications on the rest of the story.

The cruising of Lennie and George’s dream. As soon as Lennie killed Curley’s wife George knew that the dream was over because he knew that either he would get locked away or get killed. The killing of Curley’s wife was the biggest turning point because during the whole book the main points are about dream and friendship, but the friendship and dream was all lost when Lennie made one bad call. In contrast the dream could still happen if Lennie and George go on the run, but George knows that Lennie will end up getting killed or make another mistake in the near future. The main reason why George killed Lennie himself because he knew if he didn’t he would be brutally murdered or locked up in jail and Lennie would not cope with that.

This essay has demonstrated that one mistake can have huge ramifications on the text as a whole, in this case the killing of Curley’s wife. This has been shown throughout the beginning of the dream, the killing of Curley’s wife and then the end of the dream. Things we can learn from this essay would be that life could be going well then you have a brain snapp and everything in your life changes. We also learnt that even if you have a good friendship with someone you need to do what’s right like how George killed Lennie instead of Lennie getting torchered. This is what I thought the biggest turning point was.

Kia ora English1234
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Sorry for the delay in responding.

Your essay is quite long! The opening paragraph needs some work

There were a lot of turning points in this text but this killing was the biggest of all time. This first sentence is not great. It would be better as A major turning point in the test OMAM is the killing of …

You know the text well. You have used a lot of evidence to support. I think you mean the CRUSHING of the dream?
Try to avoid phrases like because during the whole book

Your conclusion is quite good, though a little informal in places.
ET2

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