Although most of what is written is correct, it would be dragged down by a number of errors and inconsistencies with language.
e.g iodine is a molecule which is made up of the same type of ATOMS- not molecules.
You should also call it a bond dipole rather than dipole.
You also need to justify that water has an overall polarity because the two bond dipoles between O and H are not symmetrically arranged and so do not cancel out. The wording of the final paragraph is also not clearly expressed.
So although there are lots of correct points the inconsistencies and language errors could limit this to as low as an A grade.