What grade would I get for this 2019 UFT paper, and how can I improve?

2019 UFT paper (this took me three hours so I’d love some feedback on anything I could have potentially left out)


Analyse how the writer expresses a sense of frustration with her life

The author’s purpose is to describe her daily journey through traffic in order to express the frustration that she experiences in her life.

This sense of frustration is expressed right from the start of the text, with the title “boing boing, boing boing.” This onomatopoeia creates a repetitive bouncing feel, which gives the audience a sense of the boredom and monotony of her life. The author’s frustration is then developed through repetition, where the titular phrase is repeated 2 more times in the first and second paragraphs. This helps the audience imagine the boring and repetitiveness of her daily routine.

The author’s frustration is developed as the text progresses through the use of rhetorical questions. An example of this is when she says “where is the freedom in that?” This question encourages the audience to imagine what it would be like to be constrained in a repetitive loop like her, and communicates her frustration by expressing how she feels as if she does not have the freedom she is entitled to. Her frustration with her life continues to develop when she says “back and forth, office, home, office, home, office…” which conveys the lack of variation that begins to feel mind-numbing.

At the end of the text, the author uses a rhetorical question to further develop her sense of frustration, when she says “what if she were to hit the road south of the city, leaving it all behind?” This contrasts the cycle of home to office which makes it clear that the writer wants to escape this frustrating monotony. The author then uses a lot of descriptive language in the last paragraph, for example when she refers to the “lake of her childhood,” and “morning mists and leaf fall.” These words carry positive connotations that demonstrate how she is aware of what her life could have been, which creates a sense of frustration by knowing this is out of reach. This final paragraph leaves the audience hoping that she will be able to make a change to her life and be happier.

By expressing her sense of frustration with her life, the author is able to shed light on the bigger idea of making a change when necessary. This is an important idea for modern New Zealanders to consider, as many of us have aspects of our life that cause us to experience frustration. This text serves as a reminder, that we are not alone in this problem, and sometimes we really do need to just make a change instead of learn to deal with it.


Analyse how language features are used to show the writer’s appreciation of the moon

The author’s purpose is to express his sense of wonder towards the moon, in order to share his appreciation of it.

Throughout the passage, many contractions are used, such as “wasn’t” “we’re” and “we’d.” This establishes an informal tone to the poem which creates a more casual and spontaneous atmosphere. Early on in the poem, the author uses a simile to compare the moon to “emoticons in the paper.” It is often fascinating to see something in real life that we are used to only seeing on paper, so comparing the moon to its paper counterpart demonstrates the writer’s appreciation of the object.

The author then develops his appreciation of the moon through personification, when he says the moon was “pushing through the topmost trees on our closest hill.” Giving the moon living qualities further establishes a sense of enchantment. Alliteration is then used when the trees have “scored and scratched” the moon. The repeated “sc” sound echoes the scraping sounds that the writer may have imagined as the moon pushed through the trees, making the scene feel more realistic to the reader, and helping them understand the writer’s appreciation of the moon

The author then goes on to mention the moon’s “pockmarked face.” This personification suggests that the moon may have been through challenges, and now seems tired and battered. The writer uses a lot of descriptive language in the last 2 paragraphs, such as “magic” “ghostly world” and “ethereal.” This, along with the personification creates a sense of enchantment and wonder, which further develops the authors appreciation of the moon

By helping us to understand his appreciation of the moon, the writer is able to shed light on the bigger idea that we don’t have control of everything. This is an important idea for modern New Zealanders to consider, because as humans we often feel that we have power over everything else. This text serves as a reminder that we don’t even know everything, let alone have control over it.


Analyse how the author promotes Wellington as an exciting place for a family holiday .

The author’s purpose is to share her experience of a family holiday in Wellington in order to portray the city as an exciting holiday destination.

While sharing her experience in Wellington, the author uses an informal tone, filled with contractions such as “there’s” and “we’d.” This establishes a fun and playful atmosphere, which hints that the city lacks serious formality. Additionally, a lot of colloquial language is used at the start, for example the word “bloke” and phrase “knock our socks off.” This language reflects the casual, relaxing nature of the city, which helps to promote Wellington as an exciting place for a family holiday.

The author continues to promote Wellington as an exciting place for a family holiday through listing, where she lists the various attractions for tourists: “Cafes and museums, theatres, galleries”

This gives a sense that there are many reasons why Wellington is exciting, however the author then continues to overwhelm the readers with more examples, such as the botanic gardens, cable car rides, planetarium, etc. These places are described with positive adjectives, such as the gardens being “vast” and the cable car being “sedate.” This paints the city as an exciting place full of daily locations, which makes a great holiday destination

The passage then ends with a simile, where the author says “Wellington… is really just a giant playground.” This appeals to the child in everyone’s hearts, as well as the literal children of families, and conveys the excitement of the city. The statement is also a juxtaposition of the earlier statement that compares Wellington to “a briefcase political power city.” This is effective in clearing up any negative views on the city, which cements our understanding that Wellington is an exciting place for family holiday, and we have been demonstrated how everyone in the family can find something to entertain them.

By helping us to understand the excitement of Wellington as a city, the author is able to attempt the reader to consider the city as a holiday destination. This is an important idea for modern New Zealanders to consider as Wellington is a significant city in our country, and a great place to both explore, and learn about our past.

Kiā ora
Three hours is a long time!
Prose. You begin well with a clear statement of the purpose - she is driving through the traffic as she does every day and this allows her to vent about the frustration she feels at work and at home, the monotony of her life and her lack of space. You analyse techniques soundly and explain what they are used to show. You could develop in these descriptions a little more on the ‘how’ they are used to show…EG.
you say “This onomatopoeia creates a repetitive bouncing feel, which gives the audience a sense of the boredom and monotony of her life.” but how does it do this? - by suggesting the sound of a ball bouncing back and forth, up and down, just as her life is composed of the same activities one after the other - work-home-dropping the children off, picking them up and then in the weekends the supermarket, driving kids to sport, no freedom, no difference. You do this better in the next two paragraphs. In the last paragraph you come back to the purpose and extend it for perception.

Again a good start with the purpose - what is it he thinks of? - its beauty, its magic. Again you could develop the explanations further. Why does a more casual and spontaneous atmosphere suggest appreciation? Perhaps it shows a sort of relationship with the weather man who is the one who talks to him of the phases of the moon and sets him to thinking about the magic of being able to predict the rising and setting, the waxing and waning of the moon, which shows his fascination and wonder.
How does seeing the emoticons translating to actuality suggest appreciation? Because it arouses that sense of wonder at the magic of the predictions?
The personification - ‘living qualities’ establish a sense of the relationship - he sees the moon as a companion and so is attracted to her and what happens to her. You looked at the alliteration really well.
In the final paragraph you come back to the purpose - but isn’t it also that the natural world holds such allure and enchantment - we need to look with the eyes of wonder?

Again a sound structure. Perhaps you could think about other words that describe what is exciting about Wellington - it is fun, educational, accessible, stimulating -
Again you could unpick the explanations a little more.
This is a good effort - a Merit - to get to the Excellence you need to develop the way all of the techniques create the effect they do and how this achieves the purpose.
Hope this helps.
JD :grinning: