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Practice Essay - Any feedback is appreciated - The Crucible

The text is The Crucible by Arthur Miller. Thank you
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Kia ora Fang and welcome to StudyIt!
There are some really solid points made in this essay and you have addressed the question throughout. Your use and choice of quotations is good.
Some of your points are a bit hard to follow. From your planning, I would strongly suggest that you plan to a greater extent so that all your ideas are sitting there and you can concentrate on ensuring that you are expressing what you want to say more clearly.
The clarity might also come from leading each paragraph with a clear statement that fully and clearly addresses the question. By leading and finishing each paragraph with question focus, it helps you to ensure that everything in between is clearer.
To inject further depth, make sure you link your points to Miller’s purpose more consistently. You make a really nice comment when you discuss the link between Proctor and Miller. Do this sort of commentary more often as that helps with the revelation fo the character.

Thanks and I feel lucky that we do have such a wonderful platform. Do you think there’s any other spots in this essay that I may add some more commentary particularly?

Just as an example, when you talk about reputation and Danforth, you could look at what Miller was trying to say about a person’s reputation. Often it is all someone has to make them appear credible in public. This is particularly pertinent in the era of McCarthyism. Miller appears to be highlighting that if one’s reputation is ruined, it can be the ruin of the person as a whole. Proctor’s pride and need to maintain his reputation says a lot about what Miller was trying to show through his character.
Your next step is to find other places where you touch on this kind of discussion and see what else you can come up with.

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