Intro Feedback - What preliminary grade?

“In a patriarchal society like ours, women have to fight hard for a seat at the table. Boys are privileged over girls from birth. Equal opportunity for both girls and boys must become the norm.” - Shabana Azmi. This quote perfectly mesmerises the essence of the development and creation of the text, The Yellow Wallpaper written and published by Charlotte Perkins Gilman in 1892. Gilman’s text is an inspiring piece that was primarily created to express her feelings about her real-life experience of suffering from postpartum depression in a patriarchal society.

The short story elapses and shows insight into the reader’s mind, where the narrator’s condition from already suffering from postpartum depression decays and forces her to enter troublesome deep stages of psychosis. The narrator’s husband referred to as John in the short story is one with high-standing position as a practicing physician. The short story unfolds many in depth aspects of inequities and barriers faced by women during the early nineteenth century. The ideas of patriarchy, oppression, and detrimental effects on well-being are evidently unpacked through the development of the short story. The Yellow Wallpaper sheds light and challenges the status quo in a positive attributable way as women have a lot more freedom in the present than there was during the time of the publishment date.

Mōrena Anonymous,

Can you please let me know what contention you are responding to for this introduction?

We do grade essays as a whole, so we cannot give an indicative grade just for an introduction. We can definitely give you feedback on your introduction writing though.

The most worthwhile texts aim to challenge the status quo (“the way things are now”).

Feeback on the intro will greatly be appreciated. Thank you.

Thanks, Anonymous.

You’ve written quite a solid introduction that sets up your argument.

One recommendation I would make is having your thesis earlier in the introduction. Perhaps you could add it to the end of that first paragraph. It would feed nicely on from your comment about the patriarchal society as that is the status quo.

One aspect of the contention you haven’t addressed is the “most worthwhile” part. A text could be the most worthwhile read because it provides a challenge to its readers to see things from another perspective, thus challenging the status quo.

Kia pai tō mahi and thanks for sharing your work with us.
Best of luck for the exam.