Hard Rock Essay feedback please

Analyse how a writer influenced you to think about a situation or event in the written text.

Hard Rock Returns to Prison from the Hospital for the Criminal Insane is a poem by Knight, Etheridge. This poem is about a black African American man that has returned from hospital back to prison after having a lobotomy. Hard Rock is tough man that doesn’t bow down to anyone, he controls the prison and does all the bad things in it. The guards in the prison make Hard Rock get a lobotomy as the guards think Hard Rock is really bad guy that controls everyone.

Para 1

Firstly the writer influenced me to think about how hard was before his lobotomy which is the event. I thought when I first heard about hard rock he was a violent man that didn’t listen to the guards and controlled the prisoners. He was “known as not to take shit from nobody and he had the scars to prove it” this quote is a double negative because it explains hard rock at what he was known to do bad things and control people. This implies to me as someone that is a bad person and doesn’t listen to people. The writer has make me think that hard rock is a bad person and is a violent man that hurts people.

Para 2

Furthermore the writer has influenced me to think how hard Rock was during the lobotomy. So far we see hard Rock as a violent man that does his own thing and is the boss of the prisoners, when he is made to get lobotomy. The doctors had “bored a hole in his head, cut out part of his brain and shot electricity through the rest”. This quote is listing and also the words bored, cut and shot are all aggressive verbs. The doctors that did this to him are wrong as doctors are supposed to help you not hurt you. This makes me think how hard rock had to get part of his brain taken out which makes me feel bad for him.

Para 3

Lastly the writer has influenced me to think how hard rock was after his lobotomy. Hard rock has put been put through hell with his lobotomy and now we see how it has affected him. Hard Rock was completely changed after it, it took exactly three minutes to say his name, this is not normal for anyone as mostly everyone knows how to say their name. This quote is a statistics as it involves numbers and says the number three which there are numbers involve. This has influenced me to think how how hard rock was actually treated and how this lobotomy effected him.


To conclude, Hard Rock went through a terrible event which was the lobotomy, this completely changed the way Hard Rock was looked at and how he was treated as now the guards have control over the prison again but know the rest of the prisoners don’t look up to Hard Rock as “he used to be their ruler the doer of things we couldn’t do ourselves” this completely changes the way the prison is run now since there won’t be the bad fights happening around the prison since Hard rock is not normal he was the one that would start all these fights or join in them.

Kia ora JamesGarden

Great work doing some practice in the lead up to the exam.

First of all - it is good to create a bit of a thesis about the question you are answering in your introduction. At the moment, your intro is mostly plot, but you can make it stronger by creating a clear statement using the key words from the question - EG “Knight influences us to think about the situation of… through the way he uses…”

You do touch on the question throughout and are starting to provide evidence.

You needed to be a little more explicit with how you are unpacking the question - you do use the key words but need to unpack what the SITUATION of EVENT was - so for example in your third paragraph, you might be a little more explicit in your topic sentence "The writer has influenced me to understand the terrible impacts of a racist prison system (situation) , through exploring the impacts of the lobotomy on Hard Rock (how he influenced).

Aim to analyse your quotes a little more - for example if you take your quote “bored a hole in his head…” - you have correctly ascertained that there are aggressive verbs in this quote - what does this emphasize to us? You have said it makes us feel bad for him - what does this help us understand about the wider context of the situation - the dehumanization in prison, racism, etc?

I suggest going through and trying to add in these things to see what a difference it makes :slight_smile:

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