Feedback on Visual Text 2.2 Intro

Hi can I please get feedback on this introduction and if it would be graded an E. The question is ‘Analyse how language features enhanced your appreciation of the text.’

Rush, directed by Ron Howard, explores the idea of ego and self-worth in our lives and uses language features to illustrate key themes. These include how an individual’s identity can come more from their achievements than who they are as a person, how success can be measured in many ways but being a champion and being a hero are two very different things, and that we often judge people based on their appearance which influences our perception of them. Through the use of various language features, Howard propels us to realise that these are integral themes in our modern-day society.

Kia ora Char1otte

While we cannot really grade an intro, as the grades are awarded holistically for the whole essay, not in parts, there are a lot of good things about this. You have laid out the important ideas in the text and there is a clear sense of director’s purpose in helping us recognize these themes.

What is missing is any clear reference to the part of the question “enhanced your appreciation of the text” - just like at level one where you have the “Describe” and “explain” there are two parts to this question too - Language features and enhanced your appreciation of the text. These should be signposted right from the beginning. What you could do is add a very clear thesis statement at the end that outlines how through understanding these themes laid out, the viewer’s appreciation is enhanced because… (and come up with a clever reason why).

Hope that helps - we will be happy to have a relook if you write any more of the essay/make changes :slight_smile:

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