Could I get some feedback on my introduction please

Modern adolescence is a journey through the darkest recesses of humanity is a theme echoed brilliantly in jacob este’s 2004 film mean creek, it is a theme explored through the point of view of five teenagers who make a terrible mistake and end up killing someone accidentally

The characters are introduced to us with a steadicam shot from a handheld camera that is being fiddled with by one of the main characters (Sam),this is not his camera and as a result of this the bully who owns it (George) gets angry at Sam and gives him a beating for touching his camera. Sam then goes home where his brother (Rocky) notices he has a black eye,Rocky is angry about this and suggests a plan of revenge against George,first suggesting that they tie him up to a tree naked and leave him there overnight,Sam vetoes this as he thinks that plan is too dangerous/mean showing us that Sam has a strong moral compass (at least at the start of the film) Rocky then suggests that they instead throw him into the river naked and make him walk back home,Sam Tentatively agrees and the steps are put in motion that will eventually lead to george winding up dead. I think what the author is trying to tell us here has a double purpose,both that our actions have consequences and that there is a ripple effect in life whereas the tiniest decision to do something slightly wrong can lead to massive consequences.

Kia ora - welcome to Studyit!

Which question are you answering here?

oh yeah sorry,question 3 describe an event that changes the course of the visual or oral text. Explain how it changes the course of the text

Ok thanks for that.

I would see this as being an intro and a first paragraph

Great hook - try to set up the argument (with key words from the question) a little more here in the intro - this could tie on really nicely to the end of what you already have here - eg "…someone accidentally. This accidental murder is a key event in this film, and affects the course of the text by…(2 or 3 reasons/ways). The marker should be able to tell which question you are answering really clearly just from your intro.

In your paragraph here you start to describe the event well and presumably would go on to explain more fully how this one event affected the course of events in the rest of the film. Perhaps try to be a little more explicit about director’s purpose as you go - EG “Este introduces the characters to us with…” - this is a good habit to get into early in the essay.

A generally good start - I suggest making those adjustments and writing the rest and posting it here when done :slight_smile:

Thanks very much I will do that