Can i please have some feedback on my written text essay?

Describe a place or time where the main character felt very comfortable or uncomfortable in the written text. Explain how techniques helped you to understand the character’s reaction(s). Note: Techniques could include figures of speech, syntax, word choice, style, symbolism, structure, or narrative point of view.

In the short story the red sari by Apirana Taylor we are shown a story about two men stuck In traffic surrounded by thousands of beggars, where they are faced with the challenge of whether or not to give money to the very desperate people on the roads surrounding their car. The story starts off with the man the story follows thoughts on the situation, being what he thinks the right thing to do would be to give the beggars money as he has plenty but as the story progresses, we are shown different angles of why he might not give any money. We see that his friend is constantly trying to encourage him not to give any money. This shows the main character having to face the decision of whether or not to listen to his friend or do what is morally right. The author uses techniques like internal monologue, metaphors and repetition to convey these challenging and uncomfortable situations to the reader so they can better understand as an audience.

We have around 6,000 different thoughts a day but very often these cannot be expressed. At the start of the story, the author uses internal monologue to help us better understand the environment the two men are in in a short amount of time by using the thoughts of the main character to inform us. This is a very effective technique as without it we would not know where they are and how it makes the men in the car feel. By using internal monologue, we are shown the one man’s original thoughts without others’ opinions getting in the way and tainting how he feels. At the start of the film the man in the car seems comfortable about his surroundings as he feels he could be nice and give the beggar money with no consequences to him

“don’t be silly there are millions of them” India is the second most populated country in the world (having a population of over 1 billion people). This means no matter where you go there will be lots of people. The street the story follows is described to be very busy as the main character expresses his thoughts about giving money to the beggars to his friend he is immediately shut down with the comment “don’t be silly there are millions of them”. In New Zealand, this statement would be considered a metaphor but as we start to better understand the number of people in India, we relies that maybe the man is not using the statement to exaggerate but to inform his friend that because there are so many if he gives one beggar some money he would get raided as they all want it as bad as one another. This is where we start to see the man become more and more uncomfortable with the situation as he is faced with the decision of wanting to agree with his friend as anyone would but also feeling guilty as he can see how badly the people surrounding his car need the money.

Near the end of the story, the man and his friend have come to an agreement that they will not give the beggars money. Apirana Taylor uses the technique of repetition where the beggars are constantly saying “sahib sahib”. This is a constant reminder to the two men and us that even though they think it is for the best and for their own safety that they do not give the beggars money they are not going to stop begging as that is what they have to do to live and keep their families alive. This cause the man to continue to be uncomfortable about the situation as he agreed and trusted his friend. But still feels as though his friend is possibly wrong.

To conclude the author Apirana Taylor uses the techniques of internal monologue, metaphors and repetition to help us better understand the uncomfortable situations the men are in while they are stuck in traffic. By using these techniques, we can almost put ourselves into their shoes. As we follow their story our ideas and opinions on the situation change as we find out more aspects of why the men may be doing what they are doing.

Kia ora Hannah1 and welcome to Study It!

Thanks for sharing your essay with us and what a great short story you’ve been studying.

You’ve got a fair bit of plot summary in your introduction which you don’t really need. I like the point you make about the main character battling with morals. You could more clearly explain that this is what makes the situation uncomfortable for the main character.

6,000 thoughts a day! Wow. When you are answering a question like this and you’re writing about techniques the author uses, it is a good rule to use a quote as an example. Is there a quote you could add that shows the character’s inner monologue about the moral dilemma he faces? Why do you think the author chose that person’s thoughts only to share and not the other character? You’ve got a vague explanation that it is to show the man’s original thoughts, but you could be more specific about this situation he is in and how it makes him uncomfortable. He might not feel comfortable enough to share that with his friend so the only way Taylor can clue the reader in was through this narrative style.

In your second body paragraph, what technique are you referring to? I wonder if hyperbole is a better choice than metaphor if you’re commenting on the exaggeration in the quote. What impact did that character mean to have when he said that? The final sentence of this paragraph has a great response to the first part of the question.

What does “sahib” mean and why did the beggars repeat that? How did that specific word contribute to the main character feeling uncomfortable?

Hope this helps :slight_smile:

Ka pai tō mahi.

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