Can I please get feedback

Hi, can I please get feedback on this essay and what grade it would be. Im also not sure how to add ‘beyond the text’ statements to each of the paragraphs.
The question is:
Analyse how language features were used to develop your understanding of the nature of one or more characters

Rush, directed by Ron Howard explores the idea of ego and self-worth in our lives and uses language features (film techniques) to illustrate key themes that help to develop our understanding of the main character in the film, James Hunt. These include how an individuals identity can come more from their achievements than who they are as a person, how success can be measured in many ways but being a hero and being a champion are two very different things, and that we often judge people based on their appearance rather than who they are as a person. Howard propels us to develop our understanding of Hunt through various film techniques that are used to illustrate key themes.

Success can define us. It allows us ti show others what we are made of and also allows us to gain personal significance. This can be seen when Hunt wins the driver of the year award; a personal highlight for himself, as it makes him the best in the eyes of his peers. Howard uses the film techniques of low-key lighting and dialogue together to help develop the audiences’ understanding of Hunt. In the scene, a spotlight shines on Hunt in a dimly lit room, and the cheers and clapping of the audience underscore their shared excitement. However, a mid-shot of a man, looking surly and clapping slowly, is edited in. His expression and gesture show his displeasure with Hunt’s achievement. This three-second scene is the first sign that Hunt’s appeal is fading. Moments like these highlight how simple it is to become swept up in the moment, which helps develop our understanding of Hunt and his motives. They also help us to see how superficial and meaningless awards are. This is the first indication that although Hunt is popular now, it foreshadows that things may not always be this way. Although at first Hunt appears to be a confident and popular man, Howard is already planting the idea that winning an award doesn’t mean you are winning in life. We should not be taken in by awards and celebrations and should look deeper into people’s motivations in order to not be convinced by superficial appearances and glory. In illustrate this idea through the use of film techniques, the audience’s understanding of the main character, James Hunt, is developed as they are not deceived by his achievement and can look beyond this to see what he is truly defined by

In judging people based on how they are presented to us, we tend to believe the initial impression. It is only later that we learn the true nature of their insecurities. Howard develops Hunts’ character by establishing Hunt’s popularity with women and the median the first time we see him. Standing on the extreme left of a wide-shot pit row, his arms around two women, he also has photographers and journalists crowding him. Howard uses the film technique of props to portray Hunts desire for attention as this compound to his costume of bright red racing overalls. The film technique of framing is also used in conjunction with this to help develop our understanding of his character. He is the only driver in the shot who is not in his car ready to race. By being positioned out of the car, we see that to maintain his image, he needs the media. These film-techniques of props and framing are used together to develop our understanding of Hunt’s character because we learn that although he appears to be presented well, we must look beyond the eyes of the median to see the true nature of his insecurities.

We often judge people based on their appearance. At the end of the film, after Hunt has become World Champion, another film technique is used to develop the audience’s understanding of his character. A wide shot portrays Hunt sitting alone at the top of a flight of stairs in his house in low-key lighting, leaning against a dark wall wearing dark blue so as it appears his body melts into the brickwork and only his face is visible in this lighting. To highlight the journey of Hunt, visually, Howard uses framing. Hunt is now on the extreme right of the shot looking over to the left. This makes it seem as if he is contemplating his past. From this, we realise that his strong desire to win has pushed away people who have cared the most for him, even those who were with him when he won Driver of the Year. Despite becoming World Champion, he bookends the film alone. Due to Hunt’s validation being derived from other people, he learns that his life now has little purpose. We learn from Howard that once you have succeeded it leaves a void to be filled; an equally relevant fact to modern society. It propels the viewer to realise that how we deal with fame (or failure) can significantly influence how others treat us. Through these film techniques, our understanding of Hunt is developed as we learn that how we appear to others must not become more important than who we really are.

The film techniques of a visual text are crucial in developing our understanding of a character. Howard steadily undermines his portrayal of James Hunt as the fun-loving popular and social playboy as he establishes it. From seeing another side to Hunt, we learn that appearances should not be taken in at face value, especially when they are presented to us through the eyes of the media. Howard forced us to realise that we must take time to comprehend reasons and go beyond what is offered in order to recognise the deception on the surface and the genuine person behind it. The film techniques used significant develop the audience’s understanding of Hunt’s character by propelling us to realise the relevance of the key ideas established in the visual text.

Kia ora Charlotte

A great essay - well developed with a real sense of purpose and theme. You are getting beyond the text a fair amount - perhaps not so much in the second para as the other two -here if you wanted to, you could just make a comment about the increasing role that media (and social media) plays in the confidence and self worth of people nowadays.

This would get to E on your ideas, how they are developed ACROSS the text and your strong sense of purpose.

A little clunky in places - once you have established that you will be talking about film techniques - you do not need to add the phrase “film technique” each time you mention one - it is much stronger to say something like “Howard cleverly uses framing here” instead of "Howard uses the film technique of framing, Howard uses the film technique of dialogue, etc.

Adding some evaluation in general would help solidify the E and add some sophistication too - evaluative adverbs like “cleverly” “effectively” “subtly” “powerfully” can help you start to do this - they are helping you weigh up and evaluate the strengths of this film and how effectively the director has done certain parts of it.

Overall a great job!

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Hi, thanks for your feedback. Do you think it will be an E8 now that I w.

Hi Char1otte

This is a lot stronger with those changes - there is a clear sense of evaluation and the examples are woven much more seamlessly in, which adds a lot to its coherence and sophistication.

This is a secure E and you should be pleased with the changes you have made. Well done.

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No your response is not correct. It was in fact not a secure excellence. I wrote similar to this on my exam except tailored to the exam question and got a Merit! I am very disappointed in you. And also do you think if I appeal this grade to NCEA that they will change it to an excellence? @nkilbride @jdewar