Can I have some feedback on my "animal farm" essay

Arrogance doesn’t get anyone very far.
In Animal Farm by George Orwell he connects the beginning and the ending of the text by showing various similarities in the conditions of the farm. He also shows connections between the begging and the ending through the personalities of the people on the farm. The main people that are important to the text in a way to answer the question are mr. Jones and napoleon.

“Mr. Jones, of the Manor Farm, had locked the hen-houses for the night, but was too drunk to remember to shut the pop holes.‘’ This is our first impression of Mr. Jones, he is drunk and doesn’t pay very much attention to his animals. Throughout the text there were many instances where mr jone was associated with alcohol for example the quote directly from the text “but was too drunk to remember to shut the pop holes.” further through the text as we get into Napoleon’s leadership over the farm we can see that he is starting to get to the same level of association with alcohol as Mr. Jones had been. One part of the text that can be used to connect Mr. Jones’ alcohol use to Napoleons is when the pigs came upon a case of whisky in the farmhouse cellars. Because that whiskey would have belonged to Mr. Jones,- who they supposedly didn’t want anything to do with- this tells us that Napoleon was getting so close to being as bad as the old farmer that he was at the point of drinking his alcohol. In the beginning of the text we know that the farm was run by a farmer who cared less about the farm and more about his drink. Now closer to the end of the text, the farm is run by a pig who cares more about himself than anything to the point that he will drink alcohol to get praises from the other farms.

The plan of animalism was going so well till Napoleon got more greedy for more power. The more power he got the more the plan of animalism went backwards. So many things that Napoleon does in the text show us how badly he’s affecting the farm; “ he carried a whip in his trotter,” at one stage in the text Napoleon comes out of the farm house holding a whip, he did so standing up. Whips are the worst reminder of the past and the slavery the animals went through with mr. jones. The fact that Napoleon was walking on two feet was a bad enough representation of the past, but when he came out of a human’s house walking on two legs holding a whip it was obvious that leadership was definitely turning into dictatorship and the farm was backwards into the past.

So how is the beginning and ending important to the text? At the start Mr. Jones was in charge of the farm; he would under feed his animals, drink till he fell asleep, and hardly did anything for anyone but himself. The men he used to implement power over the farm were “ idle and dishonest” and his farm was well overgrown. Through the text the animals had built up a sense of hope; hope for better after chasing mr jones away. they worked together to make a plan for a much nicer future with no one in charge and all animals were equal. Now we come to the end of the text, Mr. jone is no longer thought about but a new dictatorship has ruled over the farm. Napoleon who had built trust in the animals is a greedy arrogant pig, he rules with fear and manipulation. His men consist of the dogs as his bodyguards to scare the animals into obedience, and squealer as a scapegoat to make the animals keep trusting napoleon. The importance to the text is that napoleon created a false hope for the animals but in the end the farm had got worse than it was in the beginning.

Kia ora Ryleeh - welcome to Studyit!

Which question are you answering here (describe and explain)? If you just reply to this comment withthe question we will be able to give you some better feedback :slight_smile:

Describe the beginning and the ending of the text.

Explain how the beginning and ending was important to the text as a whole.

Kia ora again Ryleeh

In your intro - try to set up both parts - you talk about the beginning and end, but could be more specific about “The text as a whole” - EG “The beginning and ending are important to the text as a whole because they help build the idea that…”

You have some parts of the text that are not directly linked to the beginning and end - try to keep it really focused on using parts of the text that help you answer the question.

Try to address both parts of the question throughout - rather than just having the “explain” part in your conclusion - for example you might weave into your paragraphs how it is important to the text as a whole - eg in developing an idea, setting up an allegory, etc - Animal Farm is a great text because it IS an allegory - if you have not learned about this in class, it would be a good idea to go look up some analysis of this online as there will be heaps of good stuff that will help you build your essay depth and sophistication.

You might aim to talk a bit more throughout about what the author intended and how we as the readers react - EG “Here Orwell presents Napolean as… so as readers we understand that…”

Keep at it :slight_smile: