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Animal Farm essay.,

can i please get some feedback on this essay and the grade it would achive?
Animal Farm
Question: Describe a powerful moment in the text
Explain why the moment was powerful

A powerful moment in Animal Farm by George Orwell was the event when Napoleon’s dogs lunged at Boxer only to be easily deflected and pinned to the ground until sharply ordered by Napoleon to release the dog. This event highlights the extent of Napoleon’s power and tyranny as he would even try to take out his most loyal followers at the slightest sign of doubt. This action also points out the great strength and power boxer wields that is only held back by his mentality and naivety. This is a representation of the russian revolution between 1917 and 1945 as the only people who had the power in russia to get rid of Joseph Stalin (Napoleon) was the power of the working force of people (Boxer) however they are held back through their own mental weakness and beliefs spread by Joseph Stalin’s propaganda. The author’s intention through Animal Farm was to bring public attention to the dangers of a totalitarian government and the corruptness and tyranny of Joseph Stalin within russia.

Boxer being targeted during the culling of Animal Farm proves the lengths Napoleon is willing to go to ensure there are no possible threats to his power that could arise even from animals showing the slightest amount of doubt in the word of Napoleon and squealer (the propaganda). In Boxer’s case this was the event of him doubting Napoleon’s word that Snowball was in fact the enemy after seeing him display great bravery and sacrifice for Animal Farm. However Napoleon saw a threat to his rule through the power boxer holds and sought to get rid of him along with the other animals who doubted his rule. This shows us the theme of how power can corrupt as Napoleon has started to become paranoid and start exercising his tyranny over the other Animals. George Orwell also uses this to show us what life was like under the totalitarian government led by Joseph Stalin forcing the animals who are a allegory the people of Russia to live in fear of being killed at any moment by the dogs who are a allegory to Joseph Stalin’s personal police force the NKVD. This is a valuable insight to what horrors they had to endure and how terrifying life could be for the people of Russia during the time of his rule.

The event of boxer being targeted during the time of the killing of the other animals in animal farm also puts emphasis on the amount of power that boxer has both in animal farm and his allegory to the working population of russia with boxer being easily able to fend off attacks from the dogs even threatening to kill one before being instructed to stop by Joseph Stalin (napoleon). This proves to us that Boxer could have freed himself and the other animals from Joseph Stalin’s rule if he chose too; however he is constrained by his mind and naivety by putting the blame from the others deaths upon themselves as Boxer “see’s the solution is to work harder”. This shows Boxer as a central figure in Animal Farm as he has the power to overthrow Napoleon but instead devotes himself to working hard for Napoleon and doing everything he can in order to work harder as his motto says “Napoleon is always right”. This shows the way that Napoleon has used boxers weaknesses mentally to ensure that he is not a threat to himself and his position over Animal Farm and that he can be used to his greatest effectiveness for Napoleons benefit until eventually Napoleon got rid of boxer as his power started to fade and he had outlived his usefulness to Napoleon and the benefits to Animal Farms production. I think that George Orwell uses this event in order to show the power that ordinary people can have and also the cunning that those in power use to convince and manipulate ordinary people into not believing that they have the power to stand against the people in power to keep them stuck under their rule.

This event also proves how blinded people can be when fed the right information and only believing what you are told. This is shown through Boxer overlooking the tyranny of Napoleon when he had the power to put an end to what was happening and instead being manipulated by Napoleon and working himself until he no longer had the strength to oppose Napoleon and then was disposed of. This is something that happens even in our own world in places such as korea where they are only allowed the information provided by the government so that the government is able to brainwash the population into thinking what they want them to and stabilize their hold over the general population. This shows the cunning that people in power possess and how they manipulate people to their wishes in order to get what they want on a large scale. George Orwell uses this effectively to open our eyes to how we can be effectively manipulated by people in power and governments seeking a totalitarian amount of power effectively making us play directly into their hands being unable to see the true situation due to us being blinded by our naivety. The same way the boxer is blind to the atrocities that Napoleon is committing.

The event of Boxer being targeted by Napoleons personal kill squad and police force the Dogs carries a lot of significance in the story. This is because it shows the lengths Napoleon is willing to go to in order to get rid of any and all potential opposition to his totalitarian government. This event puts emphasis on the power that boxer has the ability to wield as a allegory to the russian revolution that resulted with Joseph Stalin gaining control over russia. Boxer is a allegory to the work forces of russia who in reality would have had the power to overthrough Joseph Stalins tyranny however they were blinded by their own naivety and did not attempt to do so. This shows us how totalitarian governments take power though various means and manipulation of the public is a big role in their goal. This event shows how the effective use of this manipulation has caused the only people with the power to do something about the government not having the will to do so. This has been a effective tool in the rise to power of many dictators such as Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin or even modern day dictators such as Kim Jong-um. I belive many people can learn a lot about totalitarian governments and the different ways they rise to power and control the public raising awareness about events with totalitarian dictators such as Joseph Stalin just as George Orwell intended.

Kia ora Rico - welcome to Studyit!

You have a pretty thorough introduction here and have set up the powerful moment well. A tip - when the “explain” part of the question includes a “why” - eg “explain why the moment was powerful” - it can be good to set it up in the intro with a because “This was powerful because…(it highlights the extent of power and tyranny etc etc)”. You have kind of tackled this as powerful as in shows us something about power, but what the question is really asking is why this moment was powerful for the reader - as in how it affected us emotionally, or made a theme really clear, etc.

You have some really nice links out to beyond the text, and a clear sense of Orwell’s purpose throughout, as well as some solid evidence. I believe with a generous read this would still get to Merit in the exam, but the misread of the intent of the question would likely prevent the marker from seeing this as insightful/perceptive and thus prevent it from reaching E. This could be fixed by even just explaining more throughout “This is powerful for the reader because…” and then saying why you already have the why in your discussions of theme and purpose at the end of each para, but it just needs to be more explicitly stated.

In terms of style, some really nice things throughout - You use the word “shows” quite a lot - try to keep mixing it up with some different verbs of analysis EG - implies, suggests, portrays, emphasizes etc. You are doing this in some places already.

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